3 Mistakes That Keep You From Making Friends
An introverts reflection on friendship
I stand in the group but don’t say a word.
I stare into the distance, slowly zooming out. Tonight I convinced myself to go out and meet new people. However, I feel far away and not at all like socializing. The introvert kicks in.
But I force myself back into the moment, listen, ask questions and show interest. Slowly I warm up and become more chill and the evening develops in a good direction.
It isn’t easy for me to make new friends.
I do a lot wrong, but I notice my patterns and try to overcome them. Here are three things that kept me from making new friends in the past.
1. No true interest
“To be interesting, be interested.”
People don’t care about us, they care about themselves. If we understand this simple principle, our interactions will change because we see the world from their perspective.
People don’t feel close to us, because we tell them something, but because they feel heard and seen.
I always thought that I needed to somehow talk about something interesting, and have cool hobbies, opinions and philosophies. But it is the other way around: To be interesting, I must be interested.
To make them feel interesting is the best way to make a friend.
Developing true interest in another person is easier said than done. It requires inner work and a shift in mindset. Try to see every person as someone with a lifetime of incredible insights and develop the desire to learn from them.
2. Being a bad friend
Be a good friend. But what does that even mean?
For the most time of my life, I have had no clue what being a good friend means. And most of us don’t have a clear definition.
Today I know that a friend is part of my tribe. It is someone who is there in the good, the bad, the ugly and the beautiful times. Someone I feel comfortable with and who is willing to go through sh*t with me.
How to Be a Good Friend
On the real meaning of being a good friend and common mistakes
People make the mistake of only being with their friends when life is simple. They feel like they aren’t a big help in times of crisis. However, you aren’t supposed to fix the problems of your friends. You are simply supposed to be there and listen. Offer comfort.
No more, but also no less.
3. No Vulnerability
We think that vulnerability is a weakness, whereas in reality it is a strength.
Vulnerability connects us and shows the other: I am not a threat to you, see I can be hurt too. I noticed this with my Medium stories. The best-performing stories are very vulnerable.
Of course, you shouldn’t overshare but show that you are only human.
Connect through vulnerability.
I am on a long journey to become a “master of making friends” and maybe I will never arrive.
But I will keep working on that skill, to build a tribe with which I can go through good and bad times.
Have a great day.
This is gold! The part about being interesting is being interested is brilliant. I’ve even seen this sometimes in my own life when I really listen intently and show interest. Great article